Nobody Said It Was Easy
by heavyveins
Summary: Pieces of Chloe remain sketched in Beca's memories, and the hardest part was letting them go. (high school AU)


**This literally started from one sentence from another story. I didn't intend for it to be 4k+ words at all, my original goal was only 2,000. Oh well, here it is. Thank you Nicole for being my beta, your help is much appreciated.**

It was the day after the funeral and Beca sat in class, ducking her head down to avoid the sympathy looks. She hated how people were looking at her; all she wanted to do was to forget it all happened, but she couldn't. The brunette sighed and rested her head on her desk, accidentally letting her mind slip away to the incident.

* * *

 _[..._ **Dispatch:** _911 what's your emergency?_

 **Caller:** _My girlfriend, something's wrong! Please send help!_

 **Dispatch:** _Can you tell me what happened?_

 **Caller:** _We were hit from the side - a car accident!_

 **Dispatch:** _Can you tell me your location?_

 **Caller:** _Near Hawkins, please get someone here._

 **Dispatch:** _Help is on the way. Can you tell me your name?_

 **Caller:** _Beca. Beca Mitchell._

 **Dispatch:** _And your girlfriend? What's her name? Does she appear to be breathing?_

 **Caller:** _Chloe Beale. And I can't feel her heartbeat. What do I do?_

 **Dispatch:** _Okay Beca, do you know CPR?_

 **Caller:** _Yes, I'm going to put down the phone and start compressions._

 **Dispatch:** _Remember, 30 compressions and two breaths after each set._

 **Caller:** _I've done two sets, the ambulance is here._

 **Dispatch:** _Okay, I'll let you go now Beca...]_

* * *

The bell rang, signaling Beca to pack her things and move. She grazed throughout the hallways with absolutely no one talking to her, only giving her looks that worked for 'Sorry your girlfriend is dead. Let me look at you and feel bad for you, maybe that'll help!'

 _[...Body of 17 year old female identified at the scene as Chloe Beale. Cause of death due to blunt force trauma...]_

She wanted to do nothing more than to forget, but everyone knew Beca and Chloe were a couple. The two girls were always at each other's side, never leaving the other for a second. People adored the two, and they graciously accepted them as they were— _just two girls in love._

Beca got to her next class and immediately zoned out, letting her mind drift to the redhead that was no longer with her.

 _"Hey you." Chloe poked Beca's side, causing her to quickly turn around. Beca giggled and let Chloe push her against the locker, leading them into a heated make out session._

 _"Chloeeeee," Beca whined._

 _"Are you still on for tonight? Frozen yogurt at 7?" Chloe questioned._

 _"Wouldn't miss it for a thing." Beca clasped their hands together, giving her girlfriend reassurance. Chloe always got excited over the little things in life, like listening to other people's stories, or blowing dandelions and making a wish. Chloe's influence easily began to rub off on Beca almost instantly, as the brunette soon began to grow more gentle and appreciative with things. Of course, she never lost her toughness, that was what made Beca...well, Beca._

 _"Alright I'll go home, shower, and get ready. Then, I'll pick you up."_

 _"Not if I get done first!" Chloe challenged._

 _"Oh you're so on, Beale."_

 _The two raced out of the high school and into their cars, both rushing to get home. Beca, living closest to the school, got done with everything quicker, so she sent a text to the ginger._

 _ **'On my way, Beale ;)'**_

 _A few seconds later she received a text from Chloe._

 _ **'Okay that's unrealistic. You probably didn't even shower.'**_

 _Beca rolled her eyes and grabbed her keys, jumping in her car. She put her music on and turned the volume all the way up, blaring it so the whole neighborhood could hear. She felt free in that sense, like nothing could ever stop her._

 _Once she arrived at Chloe's house she rang the doorbell and propped herself up with her arm against the doorframe. Classic. Smooth. Totally not romantic._

 _Chloe opened the door and let out a small laugh._

 _"Alright, you won, whatever." Chloe shut the door behind her and began to walk towards Beca's car, when Beca pulled her back._

 _"Hey Chlo?"_

 _"Yes?" The two were intensely looking each other in the eyes._

 _"You look absolutely beautiful." Beca smiled and gently kissed the redhead on the lips._

* * *

"Hey Beca, how are you holding up?" The small girl heard a voice from the person in the desk behind her. Beca sighed. She didn't want to talk to the person because everything reminded her of Chloe, even the way thought of replying. Before she met the ginger she would've snapped and told them to leave her alone, but she figured she wouldn't. Only for Chloe.

"I'm okay." Beca replied, but everyone knew she wasn't. The girl lost the number one person she loved. The two had been together since Beca's freshman year. She had the best three years of her damn life with Chloe. Of course she wasn't okay.

"You know, it's okay to be upset."

[...Body of 17 year old female identified at the scene as Chloe Beale. Cause of death due to blunt force trauma...]

"I said I'm okay, leave it alone." Beca spoke with a firmer voice. She didn't want to talk about it, she just wanted to forget.

"Seriously, it's valid for you to-" Beca cut her off before she could finish.

"I said leave it! That means don't talk about it. Do you understand that?"

All eyes were on Beca now, and all she wanted was to leave. So she did. She threw her book bag over her shoulder, grunted, and then slammed the door behind her as she left. Beca rushed down the hallway and headed towards the bathroom with tears running down her face. All she wanted was for Chloe to comfort her.

She pulled out her phone and went to her voicemails. She hit play on one of Chloe's voicemails and brought the device to her ear.

 _"Hey Beca! I'm at the store picking up some things, figured I would call you to see if you wanted anything? Call me back if you do! I love you."_

That's it. It was so casual it broke Beca's heart.

Beca slid down the wall and brought her knees up to her face, suddenly remembering another happy moment with Chloe.

* * *

 _The two girls were laying in bed when Chloe decided to lay on top of Beca. It was something Beca usually didn't mind, but this time she wasn't really in the mood._

 _"Get off of me." She wasn't harsh with her words, she just didn't want the ginger questioning her because she knew she would._

 _"There's something wrong with you." The ginger pouted._

 _"No there isn't, you're just making stuff up in your head. Now get off me." Beca rolled her eyes, while Chloe had a bright idea. She trapped Beca's arms above her head with one hand._

 _"What are you doing?" Beca groaned._

 _"Tell me what's wrong," Chloe pushed further, gently tightening her grip on the younger girl's wrists._

 _"No Chloe. There's nothing wrong."_

 _"Fine then. I guess I'll have to get it out of you a different way." Chloe smirked._

 _"Chloe no!" But the brunette was too late, as she was in a fit of laughter against Chloe. Her chest was on fire not even ten seconds in._

 _"Okay, Okay! I give up!" Beca cried out, while Chloe continued to sit on Beca until she spoke._

 _"I don't want to scare you, but..." Beca was full of nervousness. She'd been wanting to tell Chloe this for so long, but she didn't want to scare the girl off. Beca closed her eyes and spoke._

 _"I think I love you."_

 _Chloe smiled. She had no reason to be scared or nervous, because she loved her just the same._

 _"Open your eyes." Chloe let go of Beca's wrists and placed her hands beside her head, still leaning over her. Beca slowly opened her eyes, scared for what was coming._

 _"I think I love you too," Chloe whispered and placed a kiss on the brunette's lips._

She sat in the bathroom for a few more minutes until she heard someone walk in. "Beca, oh my god," she heard a familiar voice say. It was female, that's all she could make out.

 _[...Body of 17 year old female identified at the scene as Chloe Beale. Cause of death due to blunt force trauma...]_

"Beca, it's me, Stacie." Beca looked up from her position and acknowledged the tall brunette.

"Hey Stacie." Her reply was short and quiet, but how could it not be? She was heartbroken.

"Are you okay?"

Beca didn't know why, but she snapped. She didn't want people to ask if she was okay, she just wanted to be left alone. "Of course I'm not okay. Chloe was supposed to graduate this year, we were supposed to go prom together! The person I loved with my life is dead. Gone. And just like that, my whole world has been turned upside down. Do you really think I'm going to be okay?" Beca scoffed and got up to leave when Stacie stopped her.

"No, I'm sorry. It was a dumb question, of course you're not okay. Listen, I don't feel like going back to class. Do you want to go get lunch together? Skip the rest of the day?"

Beca let a smile form on her face, thankful for having a friend.

"Sure."

They two girls snuck out of the building, being careful not to get caught, and hopped in Stacie's car. Beca thought about it and figured Stacie would just drop her back off later so she could get her car.

"So what do you want?"

 _I want Chloe back._

"Anything's fine I suppose, you pick." Beca replied and rested her head on the window. She missed Chloe, and there was nothing that could fix that.

"There's a new restaurant that was built a few weeks ago, we'll go there. It's about fifteen minutes away though, so I hope you don't mind." Stacie started playing music while Beca sat quietly.

Yellow by Coldplay came on, and it directly reminded her of Chloe.

"I didn't know you liked this kind of music." Beca questioned more than stated.

"Yeah, people are always surprised. I mean, no offense to you, but just because I like to have a little fun with guys in bed and go to parties doesn't mean I have to like the loud, crazy, and wild." Stacie glanced over at her friend and smiled.

"Yeah, I see what you're saying." Beca answered back, closing her eyes.

...

 _"I'm going to guess your favorite color!" Chloe smiled and giggled, genuinely enjoying the stubborn brunette._

 _"Doubt it, but go ahead if you must." Beca crossed her arms. Chloe thought about it for a moment, and decided to go with something that would catch Beca off guard._

 _"Yellow." She replied._

 _"What?" Beca shook her head. If we're honest, Beca didn't even have a favorite color until she saw how excited Chloe got. "It's yellow! I win, you lose." Chloe poked Beca's shoulder._

 _"Loser has to pay for lunch." The ginger smiled and walked away._

...

Ever since that day, Beca never saw the color yellow the same. She developed a love for it, and unsurprisingly it became her favorite color. All thanks to Chloe.

Beca zoned back in and saw that they were near a flower field.

"Stop the car."

"What?"

"I said stop the car, pull over near that field of flowers." Beca quickly replied, unbuckling her seatbelt. Stacie stopped the car and Beca immediately jumped out. She ran as fast as she could towards the flowers.

 _Chloe._

"It's beautiful." She whispered more to herself than to Stacie. She felt a hand on her back and heard the taller girl speak.

"What are you doing?" Beca shook her head, she probably thought she was crazy.

"It's beautiful and ethereal, just like Chloe. She would've loved this, you know? She would've thought this was the most amazing thing. Chloe would've danced around in the flowers without a care in the world, Stace. She would've loved it so much." Beca's voice began to break, indicating that she was about to cry.

"I know, Beca, I know. It'll get easier, I promise." Stacie started rubbing Beca's back in comfort.

Beca sniffled. "How would you know?" She questioned.

"Have I ever told you about the time I lost my little brother?"

Beca shook her head, the girl didn't even know Stacie had a little brother.

"Well when he was 7 he started to get sick a lot. My parents thought it was just the flu and all, but eventually his doctor wanted to do some tests to figure out why he was getting so sick. They found out he had leukemia, and that his chance of survival was slim to none. My mom didn't want him to die in a hospital, so she got someone to care for him medically at home. About three months later my brother finally passed away. They said it wasn't peaceful either, and I hated that for him. The thought of him dying in pain killed me. Afterwards, I felt like I would never be happy again. And though I didn't love him the way you love Chloe, I can relate because I did love him, you know? He was my little brother." She paused for a minute, letting herself collect her emotions. "It took awhile, but I did get back to who I was. I stopped having as many bad days, and I finally stopped crying everyday. It just takes time. I'm here every step of the way for you, Beca. I'm sure Chloe wouldn't want you to be sad over her, that's the kind of person she was. She cared for you a lot. Anyways, I'll leave you for a moment, I'll be in the car okay?" Stacie gave the smaller girl a hug and left her to her grieving thoughts.

Beca sat down next to a flower that was wilted. She studied it for a moment before picking it up and letting it rest in her hand. Sitting still with no one around her made her mind go back to the car wreck.

* * *

 _The two girls were on their three year anniversary date, and Beca had taken Chloe out to some fancy restaurant. Chloe hadn't expected to go somewhere extremely fancy but they did._

 _"Order anything," Beca offered._

 _"I think I'll go with a fancy salad." Chloe nodded her head to herself, sure of what she was going to order._

 _"Happy three year anniversary, Chlo."_

 _After they ate, Beca opened the car door for Chloe, being the gentlewoman she is. "You're so cute, you know."_

 _Beca scoffed and rolled her eyes at the comment. "I'm not cute, I'm just nice...sometimes." She shut the door after Chloe got in._

 _The two girls played their music and started dancing, while being mildly safe in the process. Beca smiled at Chloe for the last time she ever would before a car hit them from Chloe's passenger side. Choe's head hit the window of the car and she blacked out on immediate impact. Beca was jerked around like a rag doll before the car finally stopped moving. Her instincts instantly brought her to Chloe. She unbuckled her seatbelt, not caring that her arm could possibly be broken, and found her way to Chloe._

 _"Chloe? Chloe please tell me you're alright. Chloe please. C'mon Chlo, it's okay. Wake up, I need you here, please Chloe." Beca sat for a few more moments cradling her girlfriend in her arms before searching for her phone, only finding it to be cracked and barely working. Her thumbs trembled as they made their way to the call icon. She dialed 9-1-1, and when the ambulance, police officers, and fire department arrived she stepped back. She was told to sit in the back of an ambulance to get her head checked, but she refused._

 _"Ma'am please, you could have a concussion." She rolled her eyes, but finally complied. A few moments later an officer came up to her and asked her a few questions._

 _"Who was the other girl in the car?" The officer was tall and stout. He seemed to be in his mid forties judging by the early signs of balding. Nonetheless, she answered his questions._

 _"Chloe Beale."_

 _"Okay, and what is her age?" He wrote down all the information on a pad with a black inked pen. It was all rushed and poorly written from what Beca could tell._

 _"17."_

 _"Do you know how this happened?"_

 _"We were just driving, and then we were hit from the side." She informed the officer._

 _"Okay. Thank you." The officer left to go talk with a paramedic, and from a distance she could hear them speak about something she never wanted to hear._

 _"Body of 17 year old female identified at the scene as Chloe Beale. Cause of death due to blunt force trauma."_

 _Her Chloe was dead, ripped away from her like a piece of paper torn in half. She shook her head, quickly going in denial that her girlfriend could even have the possibility of being dead._

 _"No no no, this can't be." She charged her way through the small crowd of people and made her way to the officer._

 _"You can't be right. There must be some kind of mistake, she can't be dead." The officer looked at the younger woman with sympathy and gave a reply, "Sorry, miss. If it helps you any better, she died on impact." Beca didn't know how to react. How the hell was that supposed to help? Her girlfriend was dead._

* * *

Flowers had always been one of Chloe's favorite things. She loved the way they smelled, they way they looked, and even the way they grew. She thought the scientific background of it all was "super cool!" Beca on the other hand, she didn't care too much for flowers. She thought they were annoying and too bright. She especially hated them during the spring when all the pollen would come out. She remembers countless sinus infections and many headaches from her allergies. It was never too bad, though; she never had to go to the hospital or anything.

Beca got up from her spot and walked around the field for a little bit. This was now her favorite place, and she knew it would be Chloe's, too.

Not wanting to leave Stacie too long, she went back to the car and settled in.

"You feel any different after that?" Stacie did her best to not ask direct 'are you okay' questions, but Beca knew what she was asking. She did appreciate the effort though.

"Uh yeah, a little bit. Just wish Chloe would've been here." And that was honestly how she felt. She could just picture it: Chloe with pupils the size of Jupiter if she had seen that field. Stacie nodded and started the car again.

When they finally got to their destination Stacie spoke. "You know, Chloe always thought you were funny in a way. She'd always say that it was the quirky kind of funny, like the fact that you can't shower directly after someone, or the fact that you don't like your food touching. She'd notice every little detail about you without you even knowing." Beca nodded and allowed herself to let out a small smile for Stacie's sake.

She felt uncomfortable talking about Chloe's death. There was a certain rawness about it that she couldn't get past, and she hated the vulnerability that came along with it. She only allowed herself to let her walls down with Chloe.

The two got seated and ordered their food, just like Beca did with Chloe the night she died.

 _[...Body of 17 year old female identified at the scene as Chloe Beale. Cause of death due to blunt force trauma...]_

Beca shook her head not wanting to think about it again. She ate a few more bites of what was in front of her and boxed up the rest to go. She appreciated Stacie, she appreciated how her friend was trying to help her.

Stacie dropped Beca off back at the school so she could get her car. The small girl was worn out from the day, and she hadn't even done that much. All she wanted to do was sleep. She wanted to sleep everything away, but she knew if she did Chloe would probably come back and haunt her—not that she minded, though. But the better of her knew not to do that, even if a ghost form of Chloe did exist.

When Beca got home she went straight to her bed, and pulled out her (now fixed) phone. She went to her photos and clicked on the album labeled 'Chloe'. Her heart started to race at the sight of all the pictures in front of her. There was a collection of about three hundred pictures and videos of the girl.

"Chloe," she whispered and ran her finger across the ginger's digital face. Her heartbreak grew even more when she clicked on a video of Chloe laughing. It was from when the two girls were on a double date, and Chloe wasn't paying attention to Beca secretly recording her. Benji had told a dumb pun, to which Choe found to be hilarious. Her fits of giggles were music to Beca's ears. After scrolling through a few more photos, Beca finally put the phone down. She grabbed one of Chloe's old sweaters and held it up to her body, holding it as if she would be her girlfriend.

The sweatshirt smelled like Chloe. It had the scent of a certain freshness she could never quite pinpoint, but nonetheless, it was home for her.

It was only about four in the afternoon but Beca closed her eyes, hoping for the one in a million chance that it was all just a bad dream.

* * *

Three weeks passed and Beca grew more impatient and angry with people. She refused to talk about what happened, and instead bottled everything up.

At home she snapped at her step mother even more than before, she was short and cold with her father, and at school she would shout at her friends, demanding that they leave her alone.

"Beca? Are you home?" The voice of her father rang throughout the house.

"Yeah, what do you want?" Her attitude wasn't any better. Of course her father sympathized for his daughter, but he did wish for a little more respect.

"Would you you please not talk to be that way?"

Beca rolled her eyes in response.

"Beca, your attitude needs to change. I know Chloe dying must be hard, but you have to move on and get a grip." He didn't mean to be so harsh, be he was tired of (what felt like) the constant disrespect.

"Sheila and I are going out, we'll be back later, okay?"

Beca stayed quiet, not even acknowledging his presence anymore.

Once she heard the front door shut she got out of bed in anger.

"Agh!" She let out a loud yell and the started tearing down pictures of her and Chloe off her walls. She then moved to her desk and wiped everything off in one swipe. Tears of sadness were streaming down her face, but all she could feel was anger.

"Come back to me, Chloe! I know you're not fucking dead. You're supposed to be here, you were supposed to fucking graduate! You were supposed to walk across that stupid stage with a stupid smile on your face and get your diploma. You're hurting me Chloe, can't you see that? This is so stupid, just give it up already, you're being so fucking selfish." Beca paused, regretting what she just said. She knew damn well it wasn't the ginger's fault, but it didn't change how much it hurt her.

Papers went flying, mirrors were broken, and secret love notes were discovered.

Beca found a folded piece of paper with her name and a little note inside. It was obviously from Chloe, given that she was the only one who signed 'xx' at the bottom of things.

Beca gently opened the folded paper and gasped when she saw the writing.

 _"Beca,_

 _I'm not sure when you will get this, but whenever you do I hope it makes you happy. The past few years have been the most amazing and beautiful times of my life. Together we have grown, and together we have learned. I want you to know that I love you. The moment I laid eyes on you I knew you had me. You gave me so much life, and you know, you give life what you give energy to, Beca. You give life to a lot of things without even realizing it. I want you to know that-"_

Beca couldn't read any more of it. She was supposed to be angry at Chloe. She was supposed to blame the person that took her away. She was supposed to blame Chloe for not being here. She was supposed to blame herself. But she couldn't because that's not how it's supposed to work.

* * *

Beca grieved for months, years even. Chloe was the love of her life, she even planned on marrying her. And just like Stacie said, it took time. It took a lot of time for Beca to heal the hurt and pain inside her.

Meeting Chloe was like taking a breath of fresh air for Beca, like she was finally able to breathe. Letting her go felt like knives and pins playing with her heart, but it also felt like the weight of the world was off her shoulders.

Beca graduated and went to college. She got out of her dark time with small steps and help from her friends. She kept a picture of Chloe in her wallet all the time, and whenever she was stressed she would look at it. Beca felt at ease now, like nothing could hold her back.

 _[...Body of 17 year old female identified at the scene as Chloe Beale. Cause of death due to blunt force trauma...]_


End file.
